Monday 20 June 2016

Scaredy Cat

This is a true story of what happened to me when I was about thirteen years old.  Up until this time, whenever Mum and Dad went out of an evening we had a babysitter.  However now I was a teenager, and the oldest of four children my mother and father considered that I should be able to look after my siblings whilst they went out for the evening.
The evening progressed very well, with all of us watching TV. As time progressed I became worried, expecting mother and father to turn up at any second, so I kept pushing and persuaded my siblings to go to bed before our parents arrived home. Partly to prevent my brother and sisters sneaking back down to watch the telly, and partly to prove to my father and mother that I was adult material, unafraid, and willing to adopt my adult role, I went through the house turning off every light until the only lights remaining were the landing light, and the light in my bedroom, which I shared with my brother.
Now I think I should mention that we lived in a farmhouse, in a remote location at least a mile from the nearest farm. There were no sources of light, like street lights, when it was dark, it was Dark!  The time was getting on for 11pm and as I said, I had turned out all of the other lights in the house except the landing light and my bedroom light. I was on the landing preparing the final steps to complete my plan. I steeled myself and switched off the landing light, rushing into my bedroom with the hackles raised on the back of my neck. I shut the bedroom door and assured myself that the latch was down, there was no lock on the door, but it had a good latch. Readying everything for the final, most difficult part of my plan, I went over to my bed and folded back the bedclothes so that I could get into my bed quickly, and easily.
I went back to the light switch which was about two paces pass the end of my bed, next to the door. I switched off the light, and as I did this, as I took the first step towards my bed and the safety it offered, there was a horrendous noise, a screeching, whaling noise. I thought it was a Witch. Terrified I jumped into my bed throwing the covers over myself to protect me. I lay their shaking with fear. Slowly my sense’s returned. A witch I thought? Why hadn’t she attacked me? Here I am lying under a cover, no adults in the house, easy prey for any witch of significance, especially a witch who could produce such a terrifying noise!
It didn’t make sense! If there was such a witch, why had she not attacked me? Here alone, me the person charged with protecting everyone in the house. So my rationality kicked in. Here I was, protected by nothing, just an eiderdown. No witch had appeared. So what did it mean? Was I protected in some way? Was there a magic about me that protected me from the Witch? I did not know.
I began to analyse the logic of the situation, there had been a noise, and I had not imagined it. I realized that it was unlikely to be something sinister like a witch or a demon of some sort. What else could it have been? There was definitely a screech of some description. What could make such a noise, an animal, a cat maybe? That made sense, a cat, it did sound a bit like a cat, a scared cat, a cat in trouble. So how did a cat become so scared, in so much trouble at just the time that I switched out the light? Now, there was the basis of a rational explanation! A cat scared me, but what had scared the cat?
It was an old farmhouse with dormer windows. I had this mental picture of the cat sat on the roof hunting for prey, taking advantage of the light spilling from the windows to aid it in its hunt. As I proceeded around the house, the cat losing its advantage of the light from room to room as I extinguished it, jumped across the roof to the vantage point on the next dormer window. Eventually the cat found it’s self on the dormer window of the landing. As this light was extinguished the cat continuing his hunting strategy leaped across, to the last remaining source of light. Unfortunately just as the cat committed itself to its leap, I turned off the last light, throwing the scene in to pitch blackness, much to the cat’s surprise! The sudden darkness must have been enough to throw the cat of its stride; it missed its footing, and began sliding down the roof. Realizing its peril, in a terrible fear for its life, (and probably a bit of indignation); it let out the bloodcurdling howl that had caused so much terror in me.
Next day I looked for the cat, expecting to see a body on the ground outside my window. But there was no corpse to be found. So I imagine that either something else other than the cat scared me, something sinister, or more likely, the cat used up one of its nine lives and lived for another day, and probably with a phobia for heights.

Wagga Puppy


Fred sat eating his tea. The puppy, pretending to be busy sniffing everything gradually worked its way over and sat staring up at him with its big puppy like eyes.

Fred's anger began to rise, he didn't like puppies, they were an inconvenience; an unnecessary intrusion on busy family life.

He stared right at it, willing it to burst into flames but it didn't take the hint.

That was it! Enough!!! Fred's anger boiled.

He pushed his chair back forcefully and stood up with the intention of chasing the damn thing out of the room and God help him if he caught it.

However his angry demeanour was quickly replaced by one of surprise/shock and fear.

He staggered, his hand went to his throat. Something was stuck in it and he needed to dislodge it, and right now! I must get outside, he thought but he realised he didn't have enough time.

The "Wagga Puppy" wasn't a real puppy it was a robot simulation. Fred realised it could radio for help. He looked at the puppy and it stared back at him with a puzzle expression. Fred waved at his throat, pointing, a pleading expression on his face. The puppies ears perked up and it bounded playfully around behind him. The wagga jumped up on his back and using its front legs like a human, it gripped his shoulders and swung its self straight between Fred's shoulder blades dislodging the obstruction which was a piece of pork fat from Fred's pork chop.

Originally posted here:- Wagga Puppy

Kick the Bucket

drip............. drip........... ping...
cistern filling fully full
noxious whiff
an empty smile
cold clean ceramic
domestos
pain pain pain
fight it fight it fight it
too much to late
ligature authors empty smile
ligature strong
bucket bucket bucket
kick the bucket
author and Cassi empty smile
back against cold door
no graffiti
will be a hangman soon
ligature round neck
ligature ready
bucket under foot
bucket ready
the drip stopped
wait for another
no it is time
kick the bucket

Originally posted here:- Kick the Bucket

Wednesday 19 August 2015

The Nutter from Newbury


People’s putdowns - of you are sometimes strangely accurate.
I was sat with my Doc, morning Mr. Hine she said how are we today? Looking at her puzzled, I said, we got that multiple personality problem sorted out didn't we? I said, thinking, is this me speak in or is it one of the others? Oh you are a card Mr. Hine she said the laughing. Would you like a cup of tea? How the hell am I going to drink it with this damn thing on? I shrugged to indicate the strait jacket. That’s okay Mr. Hine I'll get the nurse to take it off. Roger! Roger! She called. Roger looked through the crack in the door, on seeing no blood and mayhem he gingerly stepped into the room. Yes he said, could you get Mr. Hine a….. She pauses, looked at me and asked would you prefer Tea or coffee Mr Hine? Is it from a machine? The coffee is she said, OK I'll have coffee please. Don't get me wrong nurses in general make excellent tea. Like any institution the tea, the tea room and the tea lady an expert in keeping the tea hot for hours and hours and somehow it always tastes good, well institutional then, as opposed to good. Always best with loads of sugar, even if you don’t take it.

No I didn't want tea made by Roger, I didn't trust him, he looked too much like a bouncer for my liking, and anyway what would he stir it with? No, coffee from the machine was the safest option.

The interview continued, bland sameness questions, with no progress, just a sense of someone justifying their £50,000 salary by producing reams of paperwork and you'll be OK! Doesn't really matter if the patient’s cured or not, anyway there’s a shortage of patients since coaching and mentoring flourished. It pays not to increase the output above the input rate after all it would be difficult to produce the necessary paperwork without any patients wouldn’t it!

It's "HOT" thank you I said as Roger passed the plastic cup of machine coffee in front of me. He took a step back, standing at attention in the nonchalant way that only bouncers can. Looking at him, yes, ex military, probably had his own security business (a dog and a Van) charge people of fortune for arriving at their premises ten minutes after the burglar has left. But why was Roger a psychiatric nurse? It didn't make sense, unless…., oh no!

I stared at the cup of coffee before me, I was giving a big hint that even Roger should have got. I hate cold coffee and there it sat getting cold not a thing I can do about it with this straight jacket on. I looked at Roger, he knew, he was playing a game, stood there pretending that he didn’t know. The least he could do was get me a straw. He just wanted me to ask. Well I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. I took a swing at it with my elbow knocking it flying. Oh dear said Doc completely unphased.

Another violent outburst, right I'm ending this session please take him back to his padded cell Roger.

Now Roger had an unmistakable grin on his face this was what he was waiting for! He pushed me into the cell, now I realized why he was a psychiatric nurse; "Brace Yourself Roger" probed me menacingly.


Stornoway Black Pudding

I was staying at the Torr House Hotel in Elgin recently. The landlord served up a fantastic traditional British breakfast, with black pudding. I asked him where he got the black pudding from and he said it came from Stornoway. It was this black pudding which I can highly recommend. http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-22445935 Shared from Google Keep

Cassi

I am there. I am an observer. I observe everyday. I see everyday. I cry everyday. I cry everyday. I cry like a man, an invisible cry, a cry inside, a cry buried beneath normality. A cry that resonates the split in my heart. The secret shameful cry of a man. I go there, I go to the cubicle, I watch, I watch her get the bucket, a bucket stolen from a cupboard. I Watch her struggle as women do with DIY tasks. She's a bit angry as she can't get the ligature fitted securely to the door. She starts to lose her temper, but then sits on the toilet and cries. She was a marvellous girl. She could do anything she put her mind to. Comical really, here she was using that skill. Finally she got the ligature attached. She positioned the bucket and stood on it, struggling to get the ligature around her neck. She looks uncomfortable? I wonder if she's just practising? I wonder if she will have the guts to do it? I already know. She places one foot over the side of the bucket, gradually allowing the weight to pull the ligature around her neck. The pain is written on her face. A decision.... her foot swings and pushes the bucket away. Her face goes bright red, her eyes bulge, her hands come up.. up to the literature clawing at the ligature.. has she changed her mind? Will someone come and help? Can I help? But I'm not really there I can't help. My time to help has past, I missed my chance, my life missed the chance for me, the chance to give love unconditionally, the chance to save missed...

Coffee Indecision

Unusual early treat. The coffee shop empty no one except me and the barrista. Cappuccino produced after considerable fuss. Probably just setting up I thought as I waited patiently for a few seconds and then began fretting because that was no newspaper out yet. In my hunt for a newspaper I identified two seating locations, a seat offering a business posture, and a high back seat offering a snoozing posture. Got my coffee. In a dilemma again, empty coffee shop two seating locations identified and a choice to make? I took the lazy have a snooze option, leaned back pushed all wandering thoughts away and just listened. You would think that an empty coffee shop would be silent, however with the air conditioning, the escalator (this was upstairs mezzanine shop) I suppose a bit of noise from the attached Supermarket's refrigeration units. The noise was remarkably loud but also very comforting I've been told like the drumming an unborn infant experiences in its mother's womb. I felt safe having a doze and was then woken from my slumber as the barista began the tapping needed to create a new coffee for the next customer that walked in. This customer took my second choice seat! So I wasn't wrong in my choice, a good confirmation of my skill. and then promptly started writing this! The coffee cooler than usual but not unpleasant and I reminded myself that I must stop drinking my coffee at just under boiling temperature after reading about the cancer risk highlighted by the Arab tribes that drink boiling hot coffee getting mouth cancer as a result. The coffee, different than normal, slightly mellow I don't know whether that's it was the first one of the machine or they've change the blend. (Shared from Google Keep)