People’s putdowns - of you are sometimes strangely accurate.
I was sat with my Doc, morning Mr. Hine she said how are we today? Looking at her puzzled, I said, we got that multiple personality problem sorted out didn't we? I said, thinking, is this me speak in or is it one of the others? Oh you are a card Mr. Hine she said the laughing. Would you like a cup of tea? How the hell am I going to drink it with this damn thing on? I shrugged to indicate the strait jacket. That’s okay Mr. Hine I'll get the nurse to take it off. Roger! Roger! She called. Roger looked through the crack in the door, on seeing no blood and mayhem he gingerly stepped into the room. Yes he said, could you get Mr. Hine a….. She pauses, looked at me and asked would you prefer Tea or coffee Mr Hine? Is it from a machine? The coffee is she said, OK I'll have coffee please. Don't get me wrong nurses in general make excellent tea. Like any institution the tea, the tea room and the tea lady an expert in keeping the tea hot for hours and hours and somehow it always tastes good, well institutional then, as opposed to good. Always best with loads of sugar, even if you don’t take it.
No I didn't want tea made by Roger, I didn't trust him, he looked too much like a bouncer for my liking, and anyway what would he stir it with? No, coffee from the machine was the safest option.
The interview continued, bland sameness questions, with no progress, just a sense of someone justifying their £50,000 salary by producing reams of paperwork and you'll be OK! Doesn't really matter if the patient’s cured or not, anyway there’s a shortage of patients since coaching and mentoring flourished. It pays not to increase the output above the input rate after all it would be difficult to produce the necessary paperwork without any patients wouldn’t it!
It's "HOT" thank you I said as Roger passed the plastic cup of machine coffee in front of me. He took a step back, standing at attention in the nonchalant way that only bouncers can. Looking at him, yes, ex military, probably had his own security business (a dog and a Van) charge people of fortune for arriving at their premises ten minutes after the burglar has left. But why was Roger a psychiatric nurse? It didn't make sense, unless…., oh no!
I stared at the cup of coffee before me, I was giving a big hint that even Roger should have got. I hate cold coffee and there it sat getting cold not a thing I can do about it with this straight jacket on. I looked at Roger, he knew, he was playing a game, stood there pretending that he didn’t know. The least he could do was get me a straw. He just wanted me to ask. Well I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. I took a swing at it with my elbow knocking it flying. Oh dear said Doc completely unphased.
Another violent outburst, right I'm ending this session please take him back to his padded cell Roger.
Now Roger had an unmistakable grin on his face this was what he was waiting for! He pushed me into the cell, now I realized why he was a psychiatric nurse; "Brace Yourself Roger" probed me menacingly.
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